IIGS™ Newsletter - March/April 2000
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IIGS™ Newsletter - March/April 2000
Old Man Smith stands with a foot on the bottom fence rail. He looks out over the hilly pasture, clay pipe in hand. His son walks up to him and asks, "Pop, when was I born? How old am I?"
The elder Smith thinks a moment.
"Well Luce, it was the year that the old cow died. I remember cause your momma really loved that old cow and just after it died, your momma took to her bed and a couple of days later, had you," he recalls. "It was in the early spring, because I remember I was way out in the hayfield, covered with mud, trying to get things ready for planting. Your oldest sister Meggie yelled for me to come running, and it took me almost half a day to get out of that mud before I could get to the house. So that must have been about the middle of March, maybe the year before the preacher came around to marry everybody. I think that was 1830 or maybe 1832, so that makes you about 14 or maybe 16 now."
"Gee, thanks Pop!"
Seventy years later, the Smith family, descendants of Old Man Smith, sit around the kitchen table.
"I am going to the monument maker," says a Smith son. "Dad needs a headstone, and I need to tell Mr. Higgins his birthdates and such. Does anyone know when Dad was born?"
Silence reigns for a moment.
Finally, a woman cautiously answers. "I think Mom said he was two years older than she was, which would make him 89 this year."
"Yes," pipes up another woman, "but remember what Aunt Millie said? That Mom was the oldest and she lied about her age all the time, and that since Millie was 90 last winter, that would have made Mom at least 91."
"Oh yeah! And Uncle Bill always said that Mom was six years older than daddy and not two years younger, remember?"
"Well, what do I tell Mr. Higgins?"
The family discussion lasts an hour. Finally they decide that Dad probably would have been 84 this year, which would make him born in 1829. They choose a month in which none of them have a birthday, which comes out to be July. And they arbitrarily decide on the 15th, as that was the day he died.
Down at Mr. Higgins Monument shop, the proprietor takes the order. He starts the invoice, "Lucky Smith, born July 15, 1829." He carefully writes "Died September 15,1914." He hands the information to his foreman, who sits down and begins to figure:
*1914 - 1829 = 83.
*He subtracts September (9) from July (7) and gets 3.
*He subtracts 15 from 15 and gets 1, but remembers that September has only 30 days, and July has 31, so he adds a day.
*He makes a copy for Mr. Higgins. It says "aged 83 years, three months, 2 days." Mr. Higgins adds the information to the bill, and sends the bill to the family.Unfortunately, Mr. Higgins has transcribed the information incorrectly. He wrote "aged 83 years, two months, 3 days."
Alas, the headstone is never carved. The Archduke Francis Frappe is assassinated and the foreman and three workers sail back to their Herzogovinian homeland. Mr. Higgins closes the shop.
Forty years later, another family of Smith descendants sits around the kitchen table. They discuss the arrangements for Great Uncle Herbert, who was tragically killed in Korea. When talk turns to the headstone, Cousin Mathilda suddenly remembers that Great Grandad never had a tombstone. Uncle Bugsy remembers that he still has the bill that Old Mr. Higgins sent those many years ago. They decide to honor both of their family members and they erect a single monument to Herbert and Lucky Smith with dates and names dutifully inscribed. They do not know that Herbert's name was really Egbert Claude, not Herbert Charles, and they have long-ago forgotten that Great Grandad's name was really Lucy, named after a favorite dog, and not Lucky as they had always been told.
Fifty years later, a man sits at his computer. He is very proud of his new computer which represents the bulk of his disposable income for the last year. He is calculating the birthdate of his great great great grandfather, Lucifer "Lucky" Smith. He finds nine different internet sites which calculate "age at death." He gets several different answers. He decides to do the figuring himself. He works carefully, checking and rechecking. Finally, AHA! He has the answer! Lucky was born June 12, 1831. He notes this date and enters it in his genealogy program. He sits back, satisifed that he has done good work today!